Misspelt Yuth

Epic fail!

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 04:02:03 GMT

Here, my darlings, is a tale of fail so epic I can't possibly not share it!

OK, so, on Tuesday I made my first ever online visa order that wasn't a pizza. My old landline phone, which must have been fifteen to twenty years old, crapped out on me, so I ordered a new one from Dick Smith. It arrived yesterday, but I only had time to take it out of the box before I had to rush out again.

I went out and did some stuff involving, among other things, my first ever attempt at karaoke, something I swore I'd never do. The first song I sang was the Scotsman song, which wasn't on the list so I had to sing it without any backing music. Went down well, got a nice big cheer. I also got a fairly good response for my rendition of the King Herod Song from Jesus Christ Superstar. I tried to model my version on that of Rik Mayall. Buckets of fun, really it was!

Anyway, back to the phone. So, I got home rather tiddly and tried to set my sexy new phone up, and ran into trouble immediately - the power supply just would not fit into the phone base. I tried forcing it, but it was clearly the wrong size. Then I did something really fucking dumb - maybe the metal ring thingie on the plug is supposed to come off, thinks I, so I tried to take it off. With my teeth. While it was plugged in. The pain when my tongue touched it told me in no uncertain terms that this was a Really Really Bad Idea. By rights I should have Darwin'd myself out of the gene pool right then and there!

It was abundantly clear that the power supply was definitely the wrong one, so today I took it to Dick Smith and they replaced it for me. Got it home, the new one works grand, and all is well with the world.

About ten minutes ago, I was putting the cardboard box into my recycling bin and guess what fell out of it! Oh yes indeed, my sweethearts, it was the proper power supply for the phone. Oops.

One of two things happened here.

1: Somehow the box contained two power supplies, one ancient which I tried to use, plus the proper one which I didn't spot. That's what I'm hoping happened, because it makes me look less of a dickhead, but it's very unlikely.

2: This is far more likely - when my new phone arrived, I took all (OK, almost all) the bits and pieces out of the box and threw my old phone out immediately, except for the power supply which I missed. I got home drunk, saw all the bits and pieces on my floor, failed to notice that I was trying to use the old power supply, assumed that Dick Smith, and not I, had fucked up. My old phone must also have been a Uniden, but being fifteen to twenty years old, all brand identification was well and truly gone, hence my total failure to even think this was a possibility. And I couldn't check, because it had already been thrown out. And I don't mean into my bin where it could be retrieved, I mean GONE.

I have called Dick Smith, told them what the story is, they thanked me for my honesty, and I'll be taking the extra power supply back when I go into town this evening.

And that, my delights, is muppetry of which only a Pooky is capable.

Love yez all! :)

A little prose poem

Mon, 15 Jun 2009 07:59:12 GMT

Immediately before the beginning, the Devil approached the throne of the Lord, and said unto him, "hey man, fancy a game of chess?" And the Lord replied unto the Devil, "Chess? Fuck that! I've thought of a much better game. Let there be light!"

Ash Wednesday

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:45:12 GMT

Today is Ash Wednesday. That means I get to make my hilarious joke about how I'm giving up celibacy for Lent.

Well?

Laugh, you bastards, laugh!

Bugger.

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 11:53:42 GMT

John Key will be the new Prime Minister of New Zealand. His National Party ended up winning 59 seats in Parliament, almost enough to govern alone.

Labour, under Helen Clark, got 43 seats. Miss Clark conceded to Mr Key around 11:30pm, and at the same time announced she will be stepping down as Labour leader.

It is the end of an era, and no mistake.

I liked having Helen Clark as PM.

Still, on the bright side (for me, anyway) the Green Party got an extra two seats.

Also, Winston Peters' political career seems to be over. I remember him from the early 1990s. He was rather interesting back then, but in recent years he's just been a bit of a cunt.

Funniest thing about this election - the Family Party, which is the closest the Destiny Church has to a political wing at the moment, got less votes than the Bill & Ben Party. Anyone remember when Destiny Bishop Brian Tamaki gave his "prophetic utterance" coming from none other than God Himself that Destiny would be in control of New Zealand within five years? How long ago was that? Oh yeah, five years ago!

I love it when the clowns outdo the theocrats!

So, there it is. John Key will be our next Prime Minister.

Oh well. Roll on 2011, I guess.

Dear New Zealand

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 07:33:21 GMT

Make sure you vote tomorrow.

Love and cuddles,

Pooky

Dear United States Of America

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 08:31:51 GMT

Good luck.

Love and cuddles,

Pooky

Evolution: A Lie?

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:52:44 GMT

Some people say evolution is a lie. I think they're going a little overboard.

The music in this video is by David Schombert, from his album "Quiet Life vol.1" which, along with three of his other albums can be downloaded from www.jamendo.com free of charge (unless you care to make a donation). It's released under a Creative Commons license, so no problem using it in my video.

I strongly recommend "The Gate Of Silence". It's one of the most beautiful albums I have ever heard in my life. In fact, grab it here. Seriously, it's just gorgeous. Play it when you're going to sleep or something.

Shoutouts, Naked Vlogs, and Manuel Göttsching

Thu, 08 May 2008 07:33:32 GMT

The music is kinda faint in this one...

A Story For Kory

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:20:55 GMT

A story from the days of my youth. Kory is one of my YouTube friends. She's hilarious! You can check her stuff out here and the double act she does with her friend Emily here

Creationists vs the 9th Commandment

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:40:28 GMT

If those at the forefront of the Creationist movement really believe in God, how do they justify behaving the way they do?

Link 1: The CNN article from which I quote

Link 2: PZ Myers breaks the hilarious news

Here's PZ Myers and Richard Dawkins discussing the "Expelled" screening.

Reading Bits Of Books What I Like - 2

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 07:32:31 GMT

Hmm...I don't think I really have the accent for this one. But what the hell, it's very cool. It would just be rather cooler if I could sound like an aging, whisky soaked London theatre critic.

Extract from "The Hippopotamus" by Stephen Fry.

Reading Bits Of Books What I Like - 1

Tue, 11 Mar 2008 13:04:42 GMT

I have more stuff on YouTube. It's here if you fancy taking a butcher's.

It's highly likely that I'll end up linking video blog stuff here in future.

Tue, 09 Oct 2007 06:36:23 GMT

I think I'm going to move to Auckland for a while. Got some really good opportunities up this way. While I've been here I've done some work on a promotional video for MOTAT for which I've been decently paid (well, paid well as a session musician, hopefully there'll be some composition royalties or something to come, seeing as how I came up with some seriously good melodies here) and there's talk of a paid gig at the video launch. And to think I was only planning on crashing here for one night!

Not only that, but the busking here is really good! During the day, anyway. It's been shit at night. Although, now I come to think of it, that was the night the All Blacks got prison-showered in the Rugby World Cup...

All I need to do is find an affordable one bedroom flat or bedsit within half an hour's walk from Queen St and I'm grand!

Yes.

It's time for a change of scenery.

Now, I'd like you to meet Cantilena. She's Simon's other flatmate, but she hasn't featured in any photos yet because she was away until yesterday.

I get another cuddle! Woohooo!

Isn't she lovely?

Goodnight! :)

Auckland 2

Sun, 07 Oct 2007 11:27:24 GMT

Chloe took the above photo using my cellphone. I like it. It makes me look like an evil priest.

A rather intoxicated Simon

Mark

Simon and Chloe

Moose on the left, with her gentleman, Skunk

Del

Maya - an absolute sweetheart!

I get a cuddle!

Sophia

Lovely people, all of them! I'm having a smashing time, I really am! And I have been doing flutey stuff on Simon's project, for which I'm expecting to be a little bit paid. I might stay here again tomorrow night, just because of the weather. It's looking dodgy. But I will get to the Cape, even if I have to sodding well walk there!

possumlou informs me that there was a rather lovely thunderstorm in Wellington today. Bloody typical! Decent storms only ever happen in parts of the country I don't happen to be in at the time.

Arright, toodles then.

Auckland

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 03:54:54 GMT

Took a lot of hassle, but I got to Simon's flat around midnight. I'm going to stay here again tonight and possibly tomorrow night as well, before continuing my pilgrimage to Cape Reinga. Because I have started to think of it as a pilgrimage.

Cash is starting to be a bijou worryette, but thankfully I have a musical instrument and am no stranger to busking. I'll be grand! I did some busking today with Josh, Simon's flatmate, and Mark, flatmate of Chloe, who's Simon's next door neighbour and girlfrend. Here's a photo taken by a random passer-by in Queen St:

I'm the one with the hat on, the gentleman with the accordion is Mark, and the blue shirted fellow is Josh.

And on Monday and Tuesday I'll be busking in far north towns where buskers are a rare sight indeed. That could well work in my favour.

I hung around in Taupo rather longer than I should have, but I needed the R&R. Seriously, by the time we got to Taupo my arse was killing me, and the lack of oxygen (Dale wasn't really one for winding the window down) was making me feel rather shitty.

Hitching out of Taupo requires one to walk up a hill outside the town. Pain in the arse, but the view's great!

My first ride was with a German gentleman named Friedemann. He was only able to take me a few kilometers up the road as he was going to some obscure place near Rotorua. So, he dropped me at the junction of State Highways 1 and 5.

Looking south...

...and looking north.

About this time I was joined briefly by a rather cool (and hard as fuckin' nails) Maori girl named Jules. She'd been hitching since the previous morning. She'd hitched all the way from Bluff. Bluff is the town at the very bottom of the South Island. That's pretty fuckin' impressive!

Jules and I were picked up first by a woman called Lorraine, who took us to some little town the name of which I can't remember. When she dropped us off, she gave us each a beer! Shortly thereafter, a bloke named John picked us up. He was going as far as Cambridge. Jules was going to Auckland (seriously, Bluff to Auckland in two days! Holy shit!) but elected to be dropped off at Tokoroa, to visit some relatives and get drunk.

Once I'd been dropped off at Cambridge, it was getting dark, and I was starting to think along the lines of finding a backpacker hostel, but decided to press onward.

St Andrew's Church in Cambridge at dusk.

In Cambridge I was picked up by a crazy American woman and her Kiwi husband. Didn't get their names. But they were so good to me - they were going to Hamilton, and puon arriving took me all over the city looking for accommodation. But everywhere was full, so I had to plod onwards.

They dropped me at a bus stop on the outskirts of Hamilton, where I'd have a good chance of getting a ride. Less than a minute after they dropped me off, a car pulled up and out stepped none other than the aforementioned Jules. After about five minutes, a guy who spoke almost no English picked us up. Jules got out in some part of the outskirts of Auckland, and I was dropped off at this guy's mate's house in Otahuhu, which is an obscure part of the arse end of Auckland. I had absolutely no idea how to get to the city from there.

I ended up getting to Simon's flat by taxi. HUGE thanks to Simon for spotting me the taxi ride, that was very very cool of him.

So, as I said, I'll be here one or two more nights, then heading further northward into terra incognita.

Love you all buckets and buckets!

Goodnight! :)

EDIT: I forgot to mention, I have indeed been hitching wih my towel visibly draped over my shoulder. I'm hoping a Douglas Adams fan will get the joke and pick me up. So far, this has not happened. I'll let you all know as soon as it does.

Taupo

Fri, 05 Oct 2007 02:40:53 GMT

First lift was with a guy named Dale. Cool guy. He's actually heading to Thames (see map in previous entry) but I decided to get him to drop me in Taupo because I needed a wee and some food and a smoke and a pint. I toyed with the idea of doing a little busking too, but time marches on...

I'm going to post some photos as soon as I've managed to get The Gimp installed on this computer. This should take about five minutes...

Almost all my photos were taken through the windscreen of a moving vehicle, and as a result, almost all of them are shit. But there are a few salvageable ones.

As soon as I've done this I'm going to press onward. I want to be in Auckland by nightfall.

Please understand these photos were (a) taken from a moving vehicle (with the exception of the first and last ones) and (b) fiddled with for the monitor of the computer I'm using at this internet cafe in Taupo. I have no idea how they'd look on my own computer, or indeed on yours. I suspect this monitor's a little bit fucked...

Kapiti Island from Waikanae Beach

The start of the Desert Road, between Waiouru and Turangi. I'm afraid I haven't been able to even get close to showing you how unutterably beautiful that area is. Perhaps on the way home...

Mt Ruapehu from the Desert road.

First sight of Lake Taupo

Tongariro Domain, Taupo.

OK, so, I'm going to take a few more photos of Taupo, and then press onward. All the best to you all! :)

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 19:04:21 GMT

Well, I was worried about the weather, but not any more. Last night it was pissing down like nobody's business, but today there are blue skies and sunshine and suchlike carry-on.

Grand!

One hour before my camera batteries are charged, then I'm off.

Toodles! :)

So, here it is then...

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 19:10:02 GMT

Got word from young Simon yesterday, saying that there may still be complications with our little scheme for me to stay with him for a week while we do some recording for this project he's got going.

So, I've decided that tomorrow I'm either going to hitch-hike to Auckland, or I'm going to hitch-hike to Cape Reinga. Either way, I'm fuckin' hitching somewhere tomorrow.

I'm kinda hoping for the latter, to be honest. I've never been further north than Auckland.

Actually, the more I think about it, the more I want to go to Cape Reinga. I've hitched the full length of the South Island (about 12 years ago) but not the North.

The distance from Wellington to Cape Reinga is almost 1100km, and on the One Thumb Express would probably take two days. Here's a map:

The circle's where I am, and the X is where I'm going. Fun, fun, fun! Except, I'm cheating slightly - I'm going to my mother's house in Waikanae on the train today to charge up my camera batteries, having left the charger there. But I don't really think of this as cheating, because I will still be hitching the full length of the Island on the way home. So there! Besides, the difference is a mere 60km.

And there will be photos!

Oh yes indeed, my delights, I'm going to have a fuckin' adventure! :)

My sister and her husband came round yesterday. They'd got me a TV/radio tuner card thingie for my birthday! How seriously cool is that!? Sadly I am not at this time the proud owner of a TV aerial, but I'll be able to sort that out when I get back from my hitching holiday.

Ooh, and I have a nice sexy new cellphone now! I've gone back to Vodafone after almost a year with Telecom. My number hasn't changed, though. So, if anyone fancies chucking me a text or something, the number is +64 27 412 8787. Or, if you're in New Zealand, just plain old 027 412 8787. Number portability is a beautiful thing!

Fare thee well, my delights! See you as soon as I get to an internet cafe during my hitching.

EDIT: Just got the official word from Simon. Cape Reinga it is. The weather's shit right now, but the forecast's looking good for tomorrow and Saturday, when I'll be doing the actual hitching. And even though Simon and I won't be doing any musical work, he's said I can crash at his place on the way to or from the Cape. So, I'm good to go. I'll post stories and photos when I'm able.

Fri, 28 Sep 2007 07:52:23 GMT

Still not in Auckland, because some problems arose on Simon's end. So I'll be going this coming Thursday. And if Simon tells me once again that it can't happen just yet, I'll hitch up anyway, turn up on his doorstep, and strangle the bastard.

Tue, 25 Sep 2007 19:11:37 GMT

Einstein can't be classed as witless.
He claimed atoms were the littlest.
When you did a bit of splitting-em-ness
Frighten everybody shitless

There ain't half been some clever bastards.

Ian Dury

Well, today is indeed my 33rd birthday! But I'm not in Auckland. For various reasons, I chose to postpone my hitching mission until tomorrow. So I am after all witnessing the passage of another year in the city of my birth.

Anyway, here's my nephew Will.

He's looking alright, yeah?

Someone once told me that photos of me holding a baby would make me more attractive to women. So I'm using young Will to put this theory to the test. Well, shit, he's only three months old, how the hell else is he supposed to earn his keep? I mean, we can't bung 'em down the coalmines at that age any more (bloody liberals!) so, young Will, it looks like you're just going to have to help get your auld uncle laid! Come on, lad, it's the least you can do, this auld uncle of yours hasn't had any action in...well, in so long he's started referring to himself in the third person! Jaysus, what a tosser!

Now I come to think of it, though, it occurs to me that if it does work, then in my particular case it's working for the wrong reasons...

Anyway, today I have to go back to my mother's house because when I went there on Saturday I left my camera charger there. So today I'm going there so my camera batteries can charge overnight, then I'll be up bright and early tomorrow to get some serious hitching in. Because last time I hitched to Auckland I found myself thinking many times, "fuck, I wish I had a camera!" Well, now I do have a camera, and it is vitally important that I manage to take some wicked photos of my journey. And then, of course, they shall be posted herein.

Goodnight, my darlings. I shall see thee anon.

Current mood: Looking forward to my trip
Current music: Ian Dury & The Blockheads - "Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards"

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 21:44:53 GMT

These adverts appeared at the bottom of the page in at least one thread on a Christian based forum site. I dunno about you, but I almost wet myself laughing.

Tomorrow I'm going out to my mother's house for a birthday dinner on Saturday. I'll get to see my wee nephew again!

Then on Monday I'm going to hitch-hike up to Auckland to do a little recording on one of Simon's projects, and hopefully get something of my own done as well. I'll be there for about five days. I'm turning 33 on Wednesday. It occurs to me that it will be the second time in my life that I've had a birthday in a town other than Wellington.

Tra, as they say in the business, la la!

Love yez!

Boo!

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 14:22:39 GMT

Well, my darlings, I have my sexy new computer! There were some teething problems - I got a widescreen monitor but it couldn't be persuaded to agree with the video card, so it all had to go back. The nice people at the computer shop were unable to figure out what the problem was, so they ended up replacing the monitor. Now I have a nice big monitor that does the job deliciously and everything, but it's not widescreen. But never to mind. It's good to have a computer all of my very own again.

Proper update when I can be arsed. Until then, though, remember little Izzy Wizz? Here's a wee look at how she's getting on. She's 11 months old now!

Izzy even gets calls from the Prime Minister, seeking her advice on important matters of state. How cool is that??

Goodnight.

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:20:48 GMT

Quick note - my nice sexy new and sexy computer was ordered last Saturday, so I should be able to take possession of it by this Saturday. And then it'll be business as usual for me on the internet front.

My new computer's name shall be Phlogiston.

Until then, my loves.

Toodles! :)

Here's the little lad then!

Tue, 03 Jul 2007 10:19:03 GMT

I can feel your life burning
Unlived moments within you
Further than I can see

May the fire be your friend
May the sea rock you gently
May the moon light your way
Till the wind sets you free

Barry Andrews (Shriekback) - "Cradle Song"

Young Will, my nephew, closely resembles a little orange rubber alien. How cool is that?!

Here's a wee teaser for you:

Master William Nicholas McDermott age 4 days 12 hours

Will and his proud Dad

Will and his loving Mum

Will and his doting Gran

Will and his weird Uncle Doug

I'm going to be the best damn uncle in the history of avuncularity! Oh yes indeed! I shall play tunes for the wee fellow, and read him stories, and make sure he knows who Carl Sagan was, and...and...well, just everything!

Oh yeah!

I like this kid!

My sister made a wee human!

Goodnight :)

An important announcement!

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 10:39:48 GMT

Ladies and gentlemen, those of you who have a drink handy, please raise your glass and join me in welcoming my nephew, Master William Nicholas McDermott, to the human race.

Those of you who do not have a drink handy, please go and get a drink, then raise your glass and join me in welcoming my nephew, Master William Nicholas McDermott, to the human race.

Jesus, I'm all teary and beaming and stuff. It's obscene, you'd think I gave birth to the wee fecker myself!

Goodnight, my darlings!